My Story

I think differently

I’ve traversed a path less traveled, a life that diverges from the norm. We are all architects of our own destinies, and I’ve reshaped mine multiple times. Once devoid of spirituality, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery that led to inexplicable and undeniable experiences. This transformation, from a skeptic to a believer, is a testament to the power of personal growth and change.

We are each on our own Paths

Since I’ve awakened, I’ve understood that we are each on our own authentic paths.  We each came here to learn because earth is a school.  We have a soul contract and have agreed to come here to learn, help, and make a change.  I didn’t understand this before, and this wasn’t anything I would have said two years ago, but now, this is what I know, and this is the path I am on.  Two years ago, I had a spontaneous Kundalini Awakening.  It was utter hell for me. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done or gone through.  Nobody I knew ever heard of it, and every one I tried to reach out to acted like I had three heads.  It’s an experience that’s very hard to explain in words, and it’s very lonely.  I didn’t know what to do, but one day, lying on the ‘couch of misery’ as I call it, I said aloud, ‘I will never be quiet about what is happening to me; I will share my story.  If it can help one person not to feel as lonely and afraid as I am, I will have done my job.’  And well, there was a long journey of lessons between here and now. 

I recorded my life for two years.

I had just started a channel for my real estate company, I was in therapy, I was doing EMDR and talk therapy, and I had just listened to How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan. This was before the Netflix documentary (which I have yet to see). I didn’t have anyone to talk to, and at the time, I had just started a channel for my real estate company. I was awkward on camera, and a tip I learned was to record yourself when you’re on the phone or talking so you become comfortable. I was doing this all around the time that I had my awakening.  I didn’t have anyone to talk to, so I just started recording as much as possible.  I recorded Conversations, therapy, mushroom trips, and downloads.  I have recorded over two years of my life and am finally ready to share my journey. 

An Auto-Immune Diagnosis pushed me to search for more answers.

In a roundabout way, I think my journey towards spirituality happened with a health diagnosis. I finally had health insurance for the first time in over twenty years and went to the doctor.  My blood test showed all sorts of high numbers and concerns.  That started a road of pills and diagnosis and more pills and more bloodwork.  I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, Hypothyroidism, and a host of other issues.  They wanted to give me drugs and bloodwork and to see me every day.  I got frustrated; I had a new label and baggage to carry around.  I think of a slumped-over stick figure with a word bubble ‘Hashimoto’s’ over it. I started digging into why someone who exercised regularly and ate what I considered a healthy vegetarian diet could have all these issues.  So, I started going to acupuncture.

Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine

The research into repairing my thyroid pushed me towards Eastern Medicine.  To my delight, a Chinese Medicine School was a few minutes from my house in Las Vegas.  I started going every week to work on my thyroid, sleep issues, and high blood pressure.  When I started going, my admission paperwork was very long, with many questions that were not typical. Because it was a school, I would see a student, and then the Doctor/Professor would come in and meet with me.  The student, Darcy and Dr. Michelle talked to me one day.  I’ll never forget it because they sat down, and one of them held my hand.  I wanted this treatment to work for me, so on the admission form, it said to list out the trauma I can remember from birth; they said that my health problems would go away if I worked on my trauma.  Dr. Michelle suggested I find someone who could do EMDR therapy.  It took me over six months to give therapy a try.  And to be honest, even at that time, I wasn’t convinced.  But what finally pushed me to go was that I couldn’t concentrate or finish a task, and I thought it was self-sabotaging.  I wanted to work, I wanted to sell houses, and I wanted to make it in this world, and I just wasn’t.  Finally enough was enough.

Therapy? I don't need therapy!

It took me over six months to give therapy a try.  And to be honest, even at that time, I wasn’t convinced I needed it.  But what finally pushed me to go was that I couldn’t concentrate or finish a task, and I thought it was self-sabotaging.  I wanted to work, I wanted to sell houses, and I wanted to make it in this world, and I just wasn’t.  My brain wasn’t processing things like it should, and I spent years on my couch from lack of money, fear of spending, and debilitating sciatica.  I would get high and think this isn’t how I want it to be; there will be more.

I got the BEST therapist!

I reached out to a ‘Mental Health Hotline’ through my insurance. I was desperate when I finally reached out.  I thought I’d get something immediately, but it took a few weeks.  I had an intake call with Mina.  I remember Mina saying you can choose what type of therapist you want, older, younger, a man, whatever, and you can also choose me.  I said I want you!  I remember Mina telling me I did something a little different.  It’s called EMDR, and she explained the process.  I know the universe sent me Mina.  She was the best person for me. I had the most amazing and transformative experience with Mina.  I went through all of the hard shit with Mina. Mina taught me mindfulness and breathing and showed me a different perspective.  We did EMDR therapy, and I was able to work a lot of my trauma out.  I would call that ‘shadow work,’  but I wasn’t spiritual then.  I had my Kundalini Awakening while I was working with Mina.  I had a lot of mushroom trips on my own, like on a weekend, so that I could hash out my experience with her during therapy.  Mina helped me get through a lot. I have a lot of love for Mina.  Through a lot of the really rough parts, Mina was the only person I talked to.

Then I got a new therapist

Mina was concerned about me and wanted to ensure I was in good hands, so she recommended Darlene.  I was past a lot of my trauma and was dealing with other stuff. Darlene helped me with that. I was learning to have a new relationship and Darlene was helpful with that. Darlene believed I was ADHD and encouraged me to pursue that.  Through my time with Darlene, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD.  She helped me through that and I’ll forever be grateful. My time with Darlene ended abruptly, and I’m still sad about it.  But I’m grateful for what she helped me through.  Because it ended without much warning, I decided that I was probably the universe nudging me along.  I’ve healed a lot and I’m ready to focus on the rebuilding part. I am ready.

ADHD

It took me a long time to believe I might have had ADHD.  Darlene had to work a few months on me to convince me, but now that I’m surrendering to the idea, I do.  I am learning self-love, realizing I have some limitations, and trying to put some systems in order so I don’t forget what I’m doing.  I’ve made some progress with that. 

I think there is a correlation between ADHD, Autism, and Spirituality. It’s deeper than just having an open mind. These are the things I want to learn and share. If you have any wisdom or guidance you’d like to share, please reach out! 

Psilocybin is a profound teacher.

Psilocybin is not just a substance; it’s a profound teacher, opening the doors to deeper understanding and self-awareness.

I love books but have a hard time reading.  Around the time I started therapy, I started investigating the use of psilocybin.  I watched many YouTube videos and listened to How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan in an audiobook.  I didn’t know where to get mushrooms, so I decided to try to grow my own, and I did.  I think I had those mushrooms for six months before I tried them. 

The mushrooms opened my mind.  They answered questions I only thought about when in deep thought.  They showed me things. They opened realms in my subconscious and pathways that I now know stuff through spiritual download. It’s hard to explain, but I’m sure I will someday throughout my blog or a video.   They have taught me so much.  I’m no longer walking through life wondering what I’m doing here, what we all are doing here.  I know.   I don’t believe I know what my purpose is.  My purpose is to share my knowledge.  The knowledge and the wisdom I’ve gained through my experience and life. What good is everything I’ve learned and experienced if I don’t share what I’ve gained?   After all, we are the universe experiencing itself.  

Kundalini Awakening

It’s been over two years since my spontaneous Kundalini Awakening. For about a month, I had no idea what had happened to me, but I knew something had happened.  I felt a lot of energy inside of me.  I thought it was something that happened inside my brain with the EMDR therapy  I was receiving.  Eventually, I started seeing the word on social media, got curious, and looked it up.  I was floored;  this was what had happened. I was not spiritual before things started happening – things I couldn’t explain or understand. Kundalini is a life-changing process, and it’s not something simple. It changes everything about a person, and that was no exception for me. I’m not the same person as I was, but more about that later. Kundalini is often described as a profound spiritual experience that can significantly change a person’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual states.

Life Needed to Change

Kundalini has a way of changing you.  Eventually, you realize you aren’t in control and that you need to do what it wants you to do.  For me, that was getting out of Las Vegas and into an RV.  My awakening happened in April, and by December, I had everything I couldn’t fit in my car in storage.  I drove to Florida and stayed with my stepfather for a while.  My mom and him are divorced, but I decided we needed each other in our lives, so I adopted him. I wanted to buy a trailer in Florida and trailer it back to Nevada, so I had that experience.  I also had to buy a truck.  So I did a lot of driving.  I drove from Nevada to Florida, Florida to Ohio, and Ohio to Florida.  I purchased my trailer in Ohio and my truck in Florida.  After I did that, I hung out in Florida for a few months with Randy, which sounds leisurely, but honestly, I was just a bit too messed up in my Awakening process to have it in me to leave. Eventually, I  set off on my cross-country adventure, ‘home,’ which is weird.  I was homeless, but at the time, I thought I would go back to Nevada and get back to life as a real estate broker and escort in Las Vegas.  I trailered my ’35 foot travel trailer across the country, spending time in forests and state parks and taking hikes and pictures of nature.  I enjoyed solitude and the adventure, but it was a LOT for me.  I was still deep in the dark night of the soul. 

RV Life

I wanted to buy a trailer in Florida and trailer it back to Nevada, so I had that experience.  I also had to buy a truck.  So I did a lot of driving.  I drove from Nevada to Florida, Florida to Ohio, and Ohio to Florida.  I purchased my trailer in Ohio and my truck in Florida.  After I did that, I hung out in Florida for a few months with Randy, which sounds leisurely, but honestly, I was just a bit too messed up in my Awakening process to have it in me to leave. Eventually, I  set off on my cross-country adventure, ‘home,’ which is weird.  I was homeless, but at the time, I thought I would go back to Nevada and get back to life as a real estate broker and escort in Las Vegas.  I trailered my ’35 foot travel trailer across the country, spending time in forests and state parks and taking hikes and pictures of nature.  I enjoyed solitude and the adventure, but it was a LOT for me.  I was still deep in the dark night of the soul. 

I met a guy in the RV Park

Anders is a big part of my journey. When I got to Pahrump, I was there for about a month before I met Anders.  Kim, a work camper at the park, wanted to play matchmaker, and even though I didn’t have it for a while, he eventually asked me out on a date to the pool, and there hasn’t been a day spent apart since. Seriously.  It’s a bit weird living and dating in the trailer park. haha!  We are currently living together in my 293-square-foot trailer and selling his.  There’s much more to that story, but I’ll save that for future videos. I thought I was all set to be single, alone, and working on myself, but the universe had another plan for me: Anders.  Anders helped me he listened to me and fed me for months.  He knew I needed some help and was instrumental in my journey. We are good for each other and helping each other grown. We are doing life together now, he’s teaching me a lot and and you can see him in some of my videos. 

Where I am now

After spending eight months in that park in Pahrump, I wanted a change; I wanted to move.  I didn’t want to be stuck, as many people I met in that park felt, so I asked Anders if he’d like to travel with me.  We stored his trailer and set off for two months. I knew I wanted to be in solitude, work on my YouTube, and tell my story, but I was struggling to do that now with another person in a 293 sf trailer with a new relationship and being so fresh out of the dark night of the soul.  It was all a lot! One day, we went to this day-use park and saw an RV there, and I said that’s where I want to be!  That’s what I want to do.  So I set out to find something like that for us, and within a few weeks, I had secured a site host gig for six months. We then spent the next month emptying his trailer and finding storage for it, and now we are amid our current gig – site hosts for a historic site. We are caretakers of a site for six months – we open and lock the gates, take care of a vault toilet, and do yard work. But that’s not all – we’ve also extracted endangered hikers off the trail twice already! Living in nature is super peaceful, and instead of collecting rocks, I’m collecting footage of wildlife. It’s soothing for my soul. It’s super quiet, and here is where I am recreating my life.  This is where I’m healing and growing and recreating my life.  This is a temporary experience, and I’m enjoying it. 

Kundalini Changed Everything

The Kundalini Awakening process changes everything about you.  It strips away what you thought would never change and shows that your attachment to outcomes will forever be shattered.  You aren’t in control; Kundalini is and will always be.  I was lucky because I had already worked on a lot of what I needed to work on. But I had a lot of lessons to unlearn about money.  I never had a good relationship with money, and after being in real estate with undiagnosed ADHD for most of my adult life, my life was mostly feast or famine.  Being Kate helped that because when I couldn’t wrap my head around clients, people, or significant financial transactions involving a lot of money and the single most important investment most people make, I could pay the bills at least while lying on my back.  Eventually, through my journey, I realized that there are better Realtors out there, and it wasn’t my passion anymore; I didn’t know what else to do, so I continued to do it because that’s what I knew. I got stuck in that cycle. I think a lot of people do. But why was I paying to keep a license and a membership to an association to sell a ‘dream I didn’t believe in?   After having a Kundalini Awakening, I could no longer be an escort.  There’s no way I could do that again. It’s wild.  I never thought I would give up either of those things.  But once again, you aren’t in control. Especially after an awakening.

My Purpose

I was shown my purpose very early on in my awakening.  It was revealed to me many times throughout the process, through psilocybin sessions, meditation, dreams, a sudden knowing, a scene flashing before my eyes.  It has shown me continuously.  I’m a teacher; I’m a healer.  I’m not the kind of teacher who reads about life in textbooks.  I’m the kind who experienced it, who’s been there and was able to rise above it. I know that I do not know anything, but I am an expert in my own experiences.

This Life is All for Learning

Two years ago, I would probably have said I don’t know what happens after death or that I don’t know, you die.  After my awakening and heightened consciousness, I understand this life to be a school.  Our souls come here to learn and experience this realm.  It’s a great honor to have this experience and should be treated as such.  Earth is kind of like a video game.  There are a lot of distractions and insurmountable hurdles and obstacles.  These obstacles are designed to break us.  And most of them do.  Most experiences are so painful that we find distractions to focus on instead of just facing the trauma and getting past it.  Suppose we stop occupying ourselves with distractions- the stupid shit in life we occupy ourselves with and stop listening to our ego brains and learn to listen to our intuition. In that case, we know the lesson instead of getting into this repetitive cycle of misery.  We are supposed to grow and get past it.  We level up.  If we face that trauma like we should, and if we do it right, it will break us, and that’s when our new life begins.  This is what happened to me. It was a profound, spontaneous experience that changed everything in my life. Not everyone has this experience.  Some people never will get to this point in their lifetime.  Our souls come back repeatedly to learn the lessons we were intended to here on earth.  We all chose our path here and our soul’s purpose and came to do a mission.  We each have a literal purpose here on this earth. 

What Life Is to Me

The way I see it is that we are made up of what we consume – everything: the media, the programming, the schools, the way of thinking, what we learn, the lessons we have to know, the ones that need to be repeated, we are a summary of the people we surround ourselves with.  We are a summary of the people we are around, the jobs we do, the programming we receive from the jobs we do, and the institutions we belong to – a trade group, a profession, a sports team, a church, a friend group, a past time, a label, the ‘I am a’ statements. These are all the distractions put into the school on earth to keep you from discovering your true self.  So, be careful not to identify too much with anything given a label.

So, what are you if you don’t identify with any of these things?  Well, that’s sort of what I am.  I have always been a loner, an introvert, a think for yourselfer.  When everyone watched the Sopranos, I remember thinking, ‘Too many are watching; I’m not going to.’  I don’t know why I feel that way; I have always been that way.  I’ve been anti-the thing, whatever that thing of the day is, to be it the Kardashians; these are all things that program people and keep them from discovering who we are. We face insurmountable life obstacles, and most think life is hard. It’s painful. Why is this happening to me?  But when you get past it and face all those traumas – really just lessons- you sort of level up.  That isn’t somewhere you must be because you already tested out of that skill, like in a game or a class.

It's like a video game

I never saw life this way, but I see it as a game now.  I have a mission; I have to learn many skills and stuff about things most people don’t even think about so I can share my knowledge and spread some seeds to spark curiosity in others.  I need to grow, teach, and share so that I don’t keep all this knowledge inside; no, I spread my knowledge, wisdom, and guidance so that it doesn’t die when my meat suit extinguishes from this plane of existence. I’ve still left my mark.  That is what life is to me now.

I’ve been in this tricky spot for a while now.  The universe is showing me what it’s like to be broke because I needed to learn this lesson, and trust me, I have learned it. Im ready to make a change and put all my efforts into recreating my life. 

Celebrating All parts of my journey

I will celebrate all parts of myself, even the time I spent as Kate Layne, a Las Vegas Escort because my entire life has been a journey, and I’m learning from each season and chapter of my life. I’ve learned self-love, and I’m grateful for all of my life’s experiences. I am Authentic Courtney, and I’m oversharing my life. I hope you enjoy my story and feel inspired to join me on a project.

Authentic Courtney is me sharing my life so that my experience can help others. It’s not to live vicariously through me; it’s to learn and grow together. I want you to learn, grow, and evolve with me. I want to share what I’ve learned about life, challenging situations, the afterlife, and what I’ve found under hypnosis, meditation, and psilocybin. I want to share what I’ve learned when exploring the levels of consciousness.

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